


so hold my hand, i'll walk with you my dear

by onegoodhonestkiss



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: ('m only tagging the ones that come up in the fic but they both have more than that), Autistic Martin Blackwood, Disabled Jonathan Sims, Disabled Martin Blackwood, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Has ADHD, M/M, No Apocalypse, Psychosis, Psychotic Jonathan Sims, but like, this is safehouse era btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:56:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25223506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onegoodhonestkiss/pseuds/onegoodhonestkiss
Summary: " the stairs creak as i sleep,it's keeping me awake-it's the house telling you to close your eyes "or, jon experiences a delusion and martin helps him.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 14
Kudos: 96





	so hold my hand, i'll walk with you my dear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spiralsbian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiralsbian/gifts).



jon's always found it tricky to say when he's not feeling completely okay, martin knows. at this point, he has his boyfriend's behaviours memorised well enough he doesn't _need_ to be told if he's upset. after this long, they work with one another like clockwork, jon always here to comfort martin when he remembers his past or martin to calm jon down from a nightmare; they know each other like the back of their hands. and so, when martin wakes to his boyfriend staring into the mirror beside their wardrobe, his expression stormy and... more than a little panicked, he knows instantly that something's wrong.

"hey- jon? 's everything okay?" he slurs drowsily, rubbing his eyes as he climbs out of their bed to reach said boyfriend, who jumps with a start at the sound of a voice. it's really quite unusual for jon not to notice him wake, fretting and overattentive as he is, so this only helps cement in martin's mind the fact that Something Is Wrong. 

jon looks over at him, and martin notices that his pupils are blown wide, his feather-light frame shaking a little. "martin, i don't think i'm me." he says, his tone heartbreakingly earnest. "i don't know if it's- the stranger, maybe? the not-them- but they don't change bodies, they replace them, that doesn't logically add up- but why don't i look like _me_ -" pitch rising and voice cracking, he turns to martin- his focus still completely on his own body, though, surveying his arms and legs with a kind of fear usually reserved for some sort of demonic avatar, or spiders, or spider avatars. 

_ah._ it's one of those days, martin realises. his boyfriend's delusions are a little... unconventional, considering how much supernatural horror he has to back them up, but they're solved the same way as any other. and, of course, martin's always willing to help jon feel better. "jon, sweetheart, you're shaking. could you sit down, maybe?" guiding him to the chair, he almost reaches for his hand, but seeing him flinch almost imperceptibly, discards that idea. not a physical affection-needing sort of situation, he supposes. "okay, brill- what's going on, love? what do you mean, you aren't you?" 

"i'm not- _jon._ " he stammers out, movements more than a little frantic. it isn't often that jon loses his composure, but when he does, he loses it _hard._ it was heart-stoppingly frightening the first few times, but after so long spent with just one another, martin knows it'll all blow over. not that it's a fun experience for either of them, though. "i feel like. me but i don't- this isn't what i look like, martin- something's off and i can't tell what and i'm _scared_." 

"hey, hey- you're you, okay? sash- i mean, the thing that took sasha-" he amends, rocking back on his heels. "they- it? it was a little,, hard to explain when you weren't looking at it, remember? 'indescribable features', i guess you'd call it- do you want me to turn away from you and describe you without looking?" martin stims a little, nervous- he's not _completely_ sure that's the correct information, but he's about... sixty percent sure he's right? well, apparently he's hit the nail on the head, because jon visibily detenses, nodding almost too quickly. "okay! okay, cool!!"

"so, ah. how do i look-? as. specifically as possible if you can, please?" 

martin wants to hug him- he sounds so lost, and all martin wants to do is protect and help him. affection can wait, though. what jon needs right now is reassurance, and that he can provide. "okay!! so. you have brown eyes, to start-" jon makes a little noise of barely concealed displeasure at such a vague descriptor, and martin snorts. "i'm getting to the specifics!! your eyes are kind of,, hazel? but when you read statements, they- well, it sounds dumb, but it seems like they glow green, and sometimes when they catch the light i think i can see some flecks of gold!!"

listening carefully, martin hears a half-sigh of relief behind him, inciting him to continue. "and you're very pretty- you have quite a few moles scattered around your face, and i could recite where they are off by heart- i'd stared at your face enough times when i was pining to have them memorised-" that's embarrassing, but he knows well enough jon won't make fun of him for that. "you also have quite a small build- you fit very perfectly in my arms!! it's lovely- oh! and you have these adorable dimples, and-"

"you can turn around now-" jon interrupts, making martin jump a little in surprise. "i'm. okay, i think." 

"oh-!! okay!!" martin says carefully, turning to face his boyfriend. "do you want more reassurance, or physical affection, or i could make tea, or-" jon nods emphatically at the latter, making martin beam. making tea is one of martin's go-to behaviours when he's trying to be helpful, and it's become a massive comfort to them both. "tea it is, then!!! i'll be right back!" 

tea's a very theraputic experience for martin, and making it is half the enjoyment. as he waits for the kettle to boil, he dances his fingertips along the countertop blissfully. everything is... so good for them both, right now. sure, they both have their blips and their upsets, but they're _recovering._ jon's coming to terms with everything that has happened- he's taking antipsychotics, he's talking about his feelings- he's _opening up!!_ martin couldn't be prouder of his boyfriend for how far he's come; he's recovering, and that's absolutely fucking amazing!!!!!!!

tea retrieved, martin returns without jazz or fanfare, as relaxed as possible- if a little jittery with his usual nerves. "hey, jon, 'm back!! i made you green tea, i hope that's alright? i know usually you go for chamomile but green can be really comforting, especially if you're upset? if not i can go and make you a chamomile tea if you like-!!!" he babbles, filling in the space with his idle chatter as per usual. 

"that's perfect, thank you-" jon tells him softly, taking the tea from him with a little bit of a shaky hand. "i'm sure it'll be lovely." after they've sat in comfortable silence for a little while, he starts to curl up against martin. it's frankly not a surprise his boyfriend has always preferred cats over dogs, considering how much like one he is- martin had _never_ considered the possibility that jon would adore being fussed over until he started dating him. frankly, it was a very welcome surprise- martin loves giving him affection, and the fact that jon enjoys it so much is wonderful!!!! as is, he's currently ruffling jon's hair, and he's practically _purring._ christ, who needs the admiral when you have jonathan sims? 

said man burrows a little further into martin's side, making his heart flutter embarrassingly hard. eyes heavy with exhaustion- martin gets the feeling he might have been staring at that mirror for a lot longer than he was originally assuming- he reaches for martin's hand, before yawning softly. "thank you. for this- i love you." 

"you don't need to thank me-" martin starts, before it hits him that jon's head is lolling back, grip on his hand slack. _ah._ he's definitely tired out, that's for sure. martin's theory was proooobably correct. nevermind- he'll tell him when he wakes up. for now, he's just going to focus on grabbing a pillow and blanket to ensure his boyfriend gets the rest he deserves. 

**Author's Note:**

> hi i don't have psychosis but i wrote this for my friend who does and i really hope this is okay! i tried really hard  
> also this is kinda just 1k words of martin being head over heels- it's kind of sloppily written but i hope you enjoy??


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